BUZZOSCOPES

ARIES - Luckily your mismatched shoes go unnoticed during the big job interview thanks to an enormous zit on your forehead

TAURUS - News that your prison pen pal has made parole causes you to consider moving

GEMINI - After fifteen seasons you finally win the office football pool the week that only three people played it and two of them haven't paid yet

CANCER - Your analyst informs you that he" just doesn't think it's working out"

LEO - A cryptic email seems to suggest that you may be one of David Crosby’s long lost "love children"

VIRGO - It's time to stop blaming yourself for the fact that your eyebrows grow together

LIBRA - The $5 dollar bill you placed in your trombone case at the L stop isn't fooling anyone

SCORPIO - Imagining yourself walking a mile in your neighbor’s shoes makes you hate him even more

SAGITTARIUS - While listening to “Livin’ La Vida Loca” on your iPod you are arrested in a public men’s room

CAPRICORN - During a temporary bout of amnesia the only thing you can remember is where you left your mittens in third grade

AQUARIUS - A laundry mishap results in a stunning new look for you

PISCES - You locate your missing keys in your neighbor’s bushes right next to your car